Seeing

Today when I woke up before 4am I couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about stuff in my life. Out of all my thinking I noticed that lots of the time when I think I see pictures in my thoughts of people and places I am thinking about. Clear pictures kinda like watching television.

The more I thought about it I wondered if watching more television instead of reading books has made me lazy in understanding life. For it seems that I understand or hold unto what I remember I see more than what I feel.

Can words make us go deeper inside to feel more than an image can? I think that it uses more of our brain to read words and then internalize those words than to see a picture and internalize what the picture says to us.

I have met 2 new guys in my life lately. One only by chatting on the internet and one in person at my job. The guy I am trying to let go of that has been a part of my life for many years is also in my thoughts.

The guy I have spent many hours with I have lots of clear pictures in my mind and often just seeing something brings him to me. The guy I have only seen three times in the last two days somehow has made a great impression on me and I see him very clearly. The guy I met online I have not seen in person. and I am most confused about.

I trust so often what I see. And I have been wanting for sometime to learn how to trust my source deep within me. To listen more to the small still voice that I believe has my best interest at heart. To get more in tune with the living water running though me.

Meeting someone on line forced me to deal with trust issues I have. Allowing myself to overcome my fears of trusting someone to really care for me. I think this is true because I have felt different about myself. lately. It seems to take a lot of faith to look at words and believe them with no real see-able evidence in front of me.

All this being said I am grateful for the new turns in my life right now. I am thankful for the strength to stretch my life and be open to new experiences. 

And the biggest thing I learned today about the seeing is that, being so use to pictures to tell the story makes looking at tomorrow so hard. I try to hard to visualize what I can not possibly see. And knowing this I hope will help me lean more on the small still voice within me today and less on the picture of life I hope for tomorrow. For God has all my life in His loving hands.

Living a dream and loving to blog.