Fear Not

I have been so afraid for the last while.

I have been afraid to trust another person. I have been afraid that I am not good enough to have another person in my life.

The Lord is my strength ......

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 3:5&6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Isaiah 30:21

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Psalm 23

---

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

This blog is me searching for strength. There is more to believe in than to fear. I am not giving into this time of uncertainty.

With God All things are Possible

Roses

Yesterday I received 2 dozen long stem roses at work. They were delivered Fedex. And the two coworkers that brought them to me were very happy for me. They helped me really feel good about the experience in that I really felt deep down a wonder instead of all the confusion about the flowers.

Today I am very confused for the person that sent them to me is not responding to my thank yous.

So I am letting go of why I have them and simply believe I am loved. I touch them and smell them and I smile. I am still overwhelmed at moments that they are real.

Maybe this is simply a learning lesson to completely trust God and put everything in His hands.

24 roses and I want to count 24 reasons I have to be thankful today!

24: I am alive

23: I have a beautiful home to live in

22: I have a wonderful family, I am blessed with children and grandchildren

21: My wonderful twin sister who is always there for me

20: All my siblings, and extended family

19: My faith

18: My hope

17: My iPad and iPhone

16: My health

15: Strength when I am weak

14: The joy I feel over small things

13: The amazing roses and the joy they are bringing me

12: All the guys I have gotten to know

11: All the times I have gotten to dance.

10: All the places I have gotten to travel to with Lonna and Rodney

09: My many friends I have made on this journey

08: My talent and the stuff I have created

07: My jobs and all the things I have learned

06: Getting to go to college and graduate with honor

05: Food in my kitchen even when I am broke

04: Help learning to be patient

03: Getting to do things I like to do like organizing and finding great shows to watch

02: The internet

01: this blog

Yesterday I got flowers at work. This was a true surprise. And yet something I have dreamed of happening to me for a long time.

The way we think we will feel when we dream of something to happen in our lives and the way we really feel is often different. We have so many thoughts running through our heads at one time and they so often compete against each other.

The words on the card were "I want you to know I care so much about you" For me the words seemed like they were coming strait from God. For only God knows how long I have longed to feel special and how long I really believed I do not feel worthy of feeling special.

I have come to realize how negative my thoughts are all the time and I realize that I can be aware of the negative thoughts and let them go and replace them with thoughts of faith in God. And this calms my mind and gives me peace.

Really every fearful or angry thought we have is against God, and He does not deserve them at all. And every time we judge ourselves or others wrongfully we do not deserve it. What a bad habit I have and what a wonderful feeling that I can live with out that habit.

Today I read

Today I am devoted to reminding myself of the good I have done and the goodness that I am!

What a wonderful way to look at life.....

Finding my way!

Yesterday at work I noticed a difference in me. I realized I was thinking negatively and I stopped it. Wow it seemed so simple and I felt so at peace.

Yesterday when I got up I read about that we often go against what we want for our lives because we feel unworthy that we can have the life we want. So we say one thing and do another. I feel very unworthy in my thoughts, which are very negative about my life. I want to remember what I learned yesterday and practice it every moment.

This morning I read about how we spend a lifetime chasing goals which may not be right for us. That the simplest goal of enjoying our life each day and listening to God may the best goal of all. And this goal would help in stopping all the negativity for there would be no reason to beat myself up any more or anyone else.

Wow image that I get up start the day listening to be guided on how to live this day in love with my life and others and let go of all the rest. TRUSTING like never before that everything is in God's hands. And be aware of the negative thoughts and stopping them right away.

I am so thankful for this blog.

A New Day

Today is Sunday and I woke up ready to start my day. Last night I wrote down a list of things to do and I think that helps.

I have been watching a show on Netflix on my iPad for a while now. The show was made a few years ago. It is based in a morgue and on the people who work there and the drama in the dead bodies or the personal lives of the doctors and police. I really enjoy the show because it gets down to why and how and finding the truth and believing in yourself.

I think watching this show is helping me accept myself as I am.

I really think starting this blog is also helping me and this is only my 2nd blog.

Right now I am sitting at my computer which is by a window which I can look out on this new day. The grass is green, the birds are singing. It is 8am and the world is quiet. What a beautiful morning.

I started this blog to help me get out of my head and let go of all the stuff in there. Writing does help in that I am forced to think about what I am writing instead of being lost in fear and running from it. I don't feel afraid right now. I feel creative and alive.

I just thought of one of my fears. I get an idea then right away I think of why I can't follow through, then I beat myself up for now doing my idea. Then I am afraid and seem stuck. When I search for an answer to get myself moving I get completely sidetracked and then I am back to beating myself up. What a stupid cycle that is. There is a simple answer and I will find it.

Believing in the best, talking positive to yourself is a good start. And writing about this is also a good start.

I am thankful for this blog and the idea I got from Lonna.

Understanding myself

I am hoping that I can type out my feelings about my life and understand it better.

It is March 2012 and I will be turning 60 soon. My job in sales that I have had for the past 4 years is stressing me alot because of how my hours have gone down and my checks are so small. I have been blessed by God with groceries and money. But still when I think about the future and what I should do I get very stressed. I know that I am good right now it is just very scary to me what will happy tomorrow. I know God is in control and yet I let my thoughts scare me.

I pulled away from the guy I was seeing. And I almost got carried away by a gone who contacted me on the internet. I want a guy of my own to share my life with, at least I think I do but I have realized that I tend to loose my self in a guy and I do not really want to do that any more.

So here I am trying to understand What do I really want in this life.

So here goes; I want to live in peace and harmony, I want to love myself and others, I want to let go of all fears and completely trust God. To live each moment and let go of the past and future. To be happy with what I have and let go and trust God with all those nagging wants. To stop beating myself up for all my mistakes.

So my goal is to start writing out my feelings in the hope that my life will be more at peace.

I want to follow wear I am lead and be all that I can be.

so the journey moves on