A New Day

Today is Sunday and I woke up ready to start my day. Last night I wrote down a list of things to do and I think that helps.

I have been watching a show on Netflix on my iPad for a while now. The show was made a few years ago. It is based in a morgue and on the people who work there and the drama in the dead bodies or the personal lives of the doctors and police. I really enjoy the show because it gets down to why and how and finding the truth and believing in yourself.

I think watching this show is helping me accept myself as I am.

I really think starting this blog is also helping me and this is only my 2nd blog.

Right now I am sitting at my computer which is by a window which I can look out on this new day. The grass is green, the birds are singing. It is 8am and the world is quiet. What a beautiful morning.

I started this blog to help me get out of my head and let go of all the stuff in there. Writing does help in that I am forced to think about what I am writing instead of being lost in fear and running from it. I don't feel afraid right now. I feel creative and alive.

I just thought of one of my fears. I get an idea then right away I think of why I can't follow through, then I beat myself up for now doing my idea. Then I am afraid and seem stuck. When I search for an answer to get myself moving I get completely sidetracked and then I am back to beating myself up. What a stupid cycle that is. There is a simple answer and I will find it.

Believing in the best, talking positive to yourself is a good start. And writing about this is also a good start.

I am thankful for this blog and the idea I got from Lonna.

Understanding myself

I am hoping that I can type out my feelings about my life and understand it better.

It is March 2012 and I will be turning 60 soon. My job in sales that I have had for the past 4 years is stressing me alot because of how my hours have gone down and my checks are so small. I have been blessed by God with groceries and money. But still when I think about the future and what I should do I get very stressed. I know that I am good right now it is just very scary to me what will happy tomorrow. I know God is in control and yet I let my thoughts scare me.

I pulled away from the guy I was seeing. And I almost got carried away by a gone who contacted me on the internet. I want a guy of my own to share my life with, at least I think I do but I have realized that I tend to loose my self in a guy and I do not really want to do that any more.

So here I am trying to understand What do I really want in this life.

So here goes; I want to live in peace and harmony, I want to love myself and others, I want to let go of all fears and completely trust God. To live each moment and let go of the past and future. To be happy with what I have and let go and trust God with all those nagging wants. To stop beating myself up for all my mistakes.

So my goal is to start writing out my feelings in the hope that my life will be more at peace.

I want to follow wear I am lead and be all that I can be.

so the journey moves on

I have

Today when I was having breakfast I felt lead to be aware of how much I want. In my thoughts and in the way I talk I seem to want all the time. I want things I do not have, I want my life to be different, I want me to be different and this habit takes me away from now. So I searched for a thought to replace my common thought of I want. I searched for a different translation of the 23rd Psalms and I found I have everything I need.

So I am working on changing my thought to I have and being more in the moment.

Oklahoma sky

Found this picture a teenage girl took with a cell phone. I kept it because I think it is amazing. This is nature caught at a moment in time. And it is real, not just a painting. The light shining makes me think of a wonderful start for a new day. The clouds look like they are from an explosion, yet they are not.

I want to wake up feeling my day will be just as exciting at this picture and I will explode in to my day with the power of life.

December 2010

I started shopping early this year. Feel really good about getting to shop this year. I have decorated partially due to working long hours. I am tired but happy. My family had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year at Peter's home. Peter and Alan worked hard to get their home ready and they cleaned up after the meal.

Today is the 7th, I am off work today and resting. I am doing my best to not think about anything and simply enjoy this day home. I have worked on dishes and laundry. Watched TV and played with my new Kindle. I also have a new pen that sends what you write to the computer.

I have allowed my self to be stressed about things because I am to tired and busy to slow down and realize that I do not need to be stressed.

The many things that have happened in my life this year that I am very thankful for,
Mike is in my life and the longer we are together the better our relationship is.
Extra money came into my hands and I got to buy a new HD TV and Premier Tivo.
My new bedroom, after I bought a picture I redesigned my room and it is wonderful.
My car with no car payments.
Making more money at work.
Lynette and Rob money problems have been resolved.
Lonna and Rodney are doing great.

This year is simply wonderful

First day of Spring 2010

Woke up to a clean bedroom, I spring cleaned it yesterday. Life is so good. I woke up from a dream about a depressed young mom whom I talked to. In the dream I told her that the person she is today is the same person she will be tomorrow. If she is upset today about life she will be upset tomorrow about life. As long as we believe that happiness is outside of us we will continue to be unhappy. When we understand that happiness really comes from within and that today is beautiful just the way it is and we stop looking for perfection in our life then and only then we will be free to enjoy this day. How easy it is to get wrapped up in what we think our life is missing. How easy is it to blame others for our unhappiness. When I woke up the dream was so real and I realized it was for me. I am learning more everyday how to let go of assuming I know what others think and that I am the reason others act the way they do. I am the only one who thinks the way I do. I will stop thinking I know how others think. I will stop living outside of my wonderful day and let go of yesterday, tomorrow and live this wonderful moment.

celebrating change a whole year

Yesterday, I celebrated March 13, for a year ago on that day something happened that changed my life completely. My hot water tank broke.
I had been living in an old mobile home for 15 years. I wanted to move out but kept holding on to all the memories. You see in my whole life I had never lived in one spot for more than 5 years. I had also remodeled the home in several places like the kitchen and bathrooms. I kept hoping I would be able to fix up the old home. But I kept dreaming of living in a beautiful apartment that didn't need any work.
Well the hot water tank breaking was the last straw. My home was paid off and it was either put money into a new water tank or use the money to move out.
On March 15th my daughter, Vicki and I looked at apartments and picked one. We were moved into the apartment by the end of the month with the help of family members.
I was slow to adjusting to the change. But with time I overcame the change and became aware of how wonderful life can be when you finally let go.
I walk around this apartment in awe of how beautiful life really is. I could go on and on about all the things I learned living here, but the most important thing I learned was that the fear of giving up something I thought I needed was the biggest lie I had ever believed. Letting go of the past and future and living today is more wonderful than I could have ever guessed.